Really, procrastination is one of the most detrimental disorders a person can have. Coupled with perfectionism, you're talking about an all out assault on your sanity, as well as the tempers of your parents, friends, and passing acquaintances. Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am a sufferer. I am a procrastinating perfectionist.
A perfect example of my procrastination: Tonight, at approximately 11:32 pm, I completed a five page paper for my Latin American History class on early encounters of conquerors and indigenous peoples and their affects on colonial regimes. Sounds fancy right? It's due tomorrow at noon. So I completed it 12 hours ahead of schedule. Not too bad for me. The catch... I started writing my paper around 7:00pm. And had an hour and a half "break" during my RHA meeting. What RHA is really isn't relevant. What is relevant however, is the fact that it took me three hours to write a five page paper. Some might scoff, wondering why I took so long, others amazed at how quickly I pounded those pages out. What is another relevant fact- I was assigned this paper THREE WEEKS AGO! That changes the equation, now doesn't it???
What in the world compels me to delay working on my assignments? As the definition states, NEEDLESS delay or postponing. So if there's no point, why on earth do I put myself through so much stress? Why haven't I stopped after almost two decades of experience? I think I can offer two simple, yet ridiculous, explanations.
The first of these is this; my perfectionism makes me so terrified that if I start writing my paper early, I'll get new information I absolutely need, and there will be no possible way to include it in my paper. Ridiculous, right? Yes Tessa, there's this wonderful invention called Microsoft Word, that allows you to type and edit your papers. Long gone are the days of typewriters, each word and phrase painstakingly clunked out, only to restart with a single mistake or edit. I'm 98.6% sure I would have died a horribly ironic death if I lived during such days. I refuse to cultivate the patience to use such a machine. I am from the NOW generation, and I embrace it fully. But all joking aside, I really do worry about adding information to my papers. In the midst of my procrastination, I really am planning what I plan on doing. If new information comes along, how can it possibly fit into my master plan? It would ruin everything! Hence the last minute-ness.
My second reason; I'm pretty sure I'm addicted to the rush not only of delaying assignments, but of getting away with it. Maybe I'm some kind of junkie, getting "hits" off of turning assignments in, when I can still feel the hot page I printed off minutes before. Or as I roll through a slide show, bags under my eyes, knowing, "Yes, it's a great presentation. And you only finished four hours ago. Who cares if you got two hours sleep. Not having to do it before then was worth it." Every time I finish a big assignment, a giant weight is lifted off my chest. I feel free, knowing anything I do now is without guilt, because all my previous tasks are completed. But the fact I can do the same quality of work, if not better, than my peers who started their assignment the day it was posted, that just gives me some kind of sick satisfaction.
I know I'll have friends who "hate" me for this. Not the kind of hate that starts a Holocaust or anything, but that kind of grudging hate of those you love, who somehow pull off the unbelievable, while you rub your nose to the grindstone til it's rubbed raw. I'm pretty sure someday it'll come back and bite me in the behind, and quite sharply. And all of those who told me so... well, they'll have told me so. But until then, I'm going with that sweet high! Besides, you can sleep when you're dead.
Signing off at 2:43 am. (Yeah insomnia!)
Tess
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