I'll stop procrastinating... tomorrow.

Procrastination- The act of postponing or delaying needlessly.

Really, procrastination is one of the most detrimental disorders a person can have. Coupled with perfectionism, you're talking about an all out assault on your sanity, as well as the tempers of your parents, friends, and passing acquaintances. Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am a sufferer. I am a procrastinating perfectionist.

A perfect example of my procrastination: Tonight, at approximately 11:32 pm, I completed a five page paper for my Latin American History class on early encounters of conquerors and indigenous peoples and their affects on colonial regimes. Sounds fancy right? It's due tomorrow at noon. So I completed it 12 hours ahead of schedule. Not too bad for me. The catch... I started writing my paper around 7:00pm. And had an hour and a half "break" during my RHA meeting. What RHA is really isn't relevant. What is relevant however, is the fact that it took me three hours to write a five page paper. Some might scoff, wondering why I took so long, others amazed at how quickly I pounded those pages out. What is another relevant fact- I was assigned this paper THREE WEEKS AGO! That changes the equation, now doesn't it???

What in the world compels me to delay working on my assignments? As the definition states, NEEDLESS delay or postponing. So if there's no point, why on earth do I put myself through so much stress? Why haven't I stopped after almost two decades of experience? I think I can offer two simple, yet ridiculous, explanations.

The first of these is this; my perfectionism makes me so terrified that if I start writing my paper early, I'll get new information I absolutely need, and there will be no possible way to include it in my paper. Ridiculous, right? Yes Tessa, there's this wonderful invention called Microsoft Word, that allows you to type and edit your papers. Long gone are the days of typewriters, each word and phrase painstakingly clunked out, only to restart with a single mistake or edit. I'm 98.6% sure I would have died a horribly ironic death if I lived during such days. I refuse to cultivate the patience to use such a machine. I am from the NOW generation, and I embrace it fully. But all joking aside, I really do worry about adding information to my papers. In the midst of my procrastination, I really am planning what I plan on doing. If new information comes along, how can it possibly fit into my master plan? It would ruin everything! Hence the last minute-ness.

My second reason; I'm pretty sure I'm addicted to the rush not only of delaying assignments, but of getting away with it. Maybe I'm some kind of junkie, getting "hits" off of turning assignments in, when I can still feel the hot page I printed off minutes before. Or as I roll through a slide show, bags under my eyes, knowing, "Yes, it's a great presentation. And you only finished four hours ago. Who cares if you got two hours sleep. Not having to do it before then was worth it." Every time I finish a big assignment, a giant weight is lifted off my chest. I feel free, knowing anything I do now is without guilt, because all my previous tasks are completed. But the fact I can do the same quality of work, if not better, than my peers who started their assignment the day it was posted, that just gives me some kind of sick satisfaction.

I know I'll have friends who "hate" me for this. Not the kind of hate that starts a Holocaust or anything, but that kind of grudging hate of those you love, who somehow pull off the unbelievable, while you rub your nose to the grindstone til it's rubbed raw. I'm pretty sure someday it'll come back and bite me in the behind, and quite sharply. And all of those who told me so... well, they'll have told me so. But until then, I'm going with that sweet high! Besides, you can sleep when you're dead.

Signing off at 2:43 am. (Yeah insomnia!)
Tess

Makeup: Why the daily ordeal?

Recently, when chatting with my good friend, we happened upon the topic of makeup. Both of us agreed that makeup is gross and a vast waste of energy, time, and money. And yet why is the cosmetic industry a worldwide phenomenon of over $170 BILLION annually? To really delve into the subject, I decided to do a little research with the wonderful google machine, since I really can't be bothered to do much more research than that. We are a society of skimmers, it's true. But that in itself is a completely separate blog. Back to business. So why is it that both women and men work so hard to cover themselves up? To present a fresher, younger, happier, more sparkly side to the world? Is it really so important that we not show who we really are? Are wrinkles and scars that much of a deterrent to those we may call future friends or loves?

I myself have little to no interest in makeup, as shown before. If I do ever apply anything, it is mascara and lip gloss. The mascara and gloss must be tediously applied until it almost looks as though I'm not wearing anything at all- almost completely pointless, wouldn't you agree? And yet this time drain is a ritual done not only to appease my mother and friends when we attend formal events, but in what sometimes seems a desperate attempt to catch the eye of a certain someone. Realistically speaking, how likely is it that a small amount of black cream applied to our upper eyelashes will reign your soulmate in? Heck, I think some would just settle for a nice guy. Is that extra sheen on our lips doing it for you boys?

It sounds ridiculous laid out in such a fashion, and yet, people buy it. Not just mascara, but foundation, blush, bronzer, any part of your skin, the cosmetic industry has something to cover it up with. I recently attended a Mary Kay party. For those of you who have never attended one, it's basically a get together of people interested in Mary Kay products, or to support someone who is a consultant. I was of the latter group, since I have no idea how to apply anything. At the party, we got to try every product under the sun. I was intimidated. All the girls around the table picked up fluffy brushes, brushed on powders, and dabbed creams as though they had done it every day of their lives. And then it dawned on me. That's exactly what they did!

I'm a girl who loves her sleep. Having suffered from insomnia my entire life, I cherish every minute I enjoy in my bed, blissfully ignoring the "early bird". I used to think, if the worm can't wait to do business until noon, it isn't worth my time. And yet, on high school trips, at sleepovers, in my college dorm bathrooms, girls wake at the crack of dawn to begin their morning rituals. Some waking as early as 4 am, just to perfect their looks. What could possibly possess girls to put themselves through this? How can they possibly stand to work on their appearance for HOURS before their day even begins? I asked a friend about her typical day, as she told me her schedule. She said she wakes at least 3 hours before any event she has in the morning, say her first class, in order to have enough time to get ready. Starting with a shower, she said she spends at least 30 minutes lathering, shaving, and cleansing. From the shower, she goes to her blow dryer, straightener, and curling irons, all of which can take an hour or more. Depending on the day of the week, she may pluck or tweeze where needed, another good 15 minutes. After being thoroughly purified, she proceeds with her daily makeup routine. Moisturizer, foundation, bronzer, blush, mascara, eyeliner, lipstick, lip gloss, shimmering body powder. Loading all these products onto her face take at least 30 minutes. So far, my friend has spent more than two hours getting ready, and she hasn't even chosen clothes or jewelry yet!

Why the ordeal? Is makeup really worth the trouble? I asked another friend why she wears makeup, after her comment that she "could never leave the house with a plain face". She replied, "Makeup is a way of accentuating your natural beauty. It makes pretty girls look prettier." But does it really? I was lucky enough to be born with skin that rarely breaks out. And yet this apparently lovely skin needs to be covered in layer upon layer of product. At the Mary Kay party, I had at least four kinds of powders and creams layered on. By the time we where done, I didn't even recognize myself. True, my blue eyes looked out from my face, and my nose ring still twinkled from my right nostril, but the rest... it was so foreign. The dark under-eye circles that have always haunted my face were gone. The slight redness around my nose and chin, vanished. All these seem to be good, right? But in the process, I lost the freckles I adore, and the rosy glow in my cheeks. I was frustrated to find that once my natural blush was covered, artificial blush was to be applied as well. "Well doesn't this just seem like a complete waste of time," I had huffed to myself. Was I happier with a cleaned up version of myself?

Simply put, no. After an hour of rubbing and brushing and sponging and dabbing, I was completely unrecognizable. I was hot, my face itched, and frankly, I wanted to go home. But when the section of complementing each girl's look came to me, I was pleasantly surprised that almost all the girls in attendance thought I looked great. That the gloss I had picked really matched my true lip color, and that I didn't look fake. Suddenly I was thinking to myself, "Yes, Tessa, you can do this! You can get up a little earlier every day, spruce yourself up, and who knows what will happen?"

Of course, being me, this endeavor did not become a life changer like I had briefly hoped for. The dorm hours of staying up til midnight at the earliest, followed up by classes at 8 am did not leave much hope for such a change. Instead of sacrificing sleep I desperately needed, I slept in. 'Til 7:45 some days, finally pulling myself out of bed, grabbing the first clothes I see, hair hastily tied back, and out the door in 5 minutes. Some might be horrified by such behaviour. Certainly my mother, though she loves me so, claims that I need to put more stock in my personal appearance. But at the end of the day, would taking those extra hours, or even extra minutes, make me a happier person? A prettier, more attractive person? Maybe. But like I said, if the worm can't wait until noon to do business, it isn't worth my time. And in the same way, if a person cannot see past tired eyes and slightly crazy hair to the interesting and unique person I am, then they aren't worth my time, or your time for that matter!

I honestly have nothing against people who wear makeup. It can be a confidence booster, it can help hide your flaws, it can even keep you healthy, say if you're using a moisturizer with SPF to protect your skin from the sun. All I know it that makeup is not for me. I just wanted to give a brief glimpse into the life of a girl who isn't into the products. Knowing this blog will leave me with tired eyes in the morning, I sign off. I can't wait to see those dark circles in the morning. :)

With much love, Tess

Welcome to the wonderful world of internet blogging...

So, here it is. My first foray into the world of internet blogging. And as a perfect example of my personality, I just spent ten minutes googling the word "foray" in order to decide whether I had spelled it correctly as well as if I am using it correctly. This surely will be the downfall of my blog. But no need to end my project before it has even begun, no self fulfilling prophecies for me.

If in fact anyone is reading this blog, you may hazard to wonder why I am undertaking such a task. What exactly is my purpose in recording my thoughts, opinions, and yes, musings, to the world at large? Quite simply, I love to write, and I believe I have a voice that needs to be heard. Not only do I believe in the power of words, but the thought put behind such words and how they can be lead to real change in the world at large. True, this is just one blog being written by a Montana girl, what difference can I make? And I reply, "A heck of a lot!"

This blog will probably be more for my sanity than anything else. I am constantly writing in my head. Writing songs, thinking up Facebook statuses, memoirs and autobiography segments. You name it, I've probably had a draft of it floating around in my head. It is a blessing, but many times it is also a curse. With all this "writing" and no outlet, my brain goes into overload trying to remember everything and still remembering to tie my shoes and use my blinker like a reasonable driver. And when I think too much, I just end up obsessing and driving myself crazy. So here it is. My outlet. The place to lay (or is it lie?) it all out.

I'm not asking for anyone to like it, or for anyone to even care. But if you do like it, let me know. I love feedback from people, what I'm doing right, and what I can improve on. Enough formalities though, it's time to write a real first blog entry, besides this hasty introduction. Cheers, let's see where this goes.

With much love, Tess